


do you ever wanna talk about your real name, ladybug?

by Ros3mary



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Bad One-Liners, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Eventual Fluff, F/M, Humor, Light Angst, Oblivious Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir, Very blushy Marinette, brief baby time, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:15:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23576785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ros3mary/pseuds/Ros3mary
Summary: After Marinette decides, as Guardian, that she should know Chat Noir's civilian identity, the poor cat can't figure out why she acts so differently around him- and blushes so much.It's a mystery that these two fucking idiots may never solve (just kidding, they will, within four chapters)
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug
Comments: 16
Kudos: 89





	1. Your Toast is Burned, and No Amount of Scraping Will Remove the Black Parts!

**Author's Note:**

> it is six a.m., i started writing this at 3 a.m., i would like to sleep but i promise chapter two will FINGERS CROSSED be up within two days bros
> 
> summary is subject to change. title is not its funny as fuck SKSKSK
> 
> i hope u enjoy tho!! catch these hands on tumblr at marble-seafoam :)

The first time Marinette realized how big of an issue Chat Noir's hidden identity would be to her, as the Guardian of the Miracle Box, it was only the third battle after she'd become the guardian. So far, not a great sign.

Ladybug and Chat Noir were currently fighting the aukmatized villain Bone Yard, a grouchy old man who was frustrated both with over not bonding with his grandson and the fact that time is linear. Wow, big surprise, old man, time passes.

"Why can't things just stay the same!" Bone Yard howled as he fired wildly at Ladybug. She somersaulted neatly out of the way, and the fully grown oak tree that absorbed the blast instead suddenly shrunk down to a sapling. "Kids don't listen to good music anymore! The '60's was the best decade!"

"He is just throwing out a whole bunch of statements, isn't he?" Chat Noir commented idly as he reached out to steady Ladybug's rocky landing. 

Bone Yard swung the steaming muzzle of his 1962 340-C Savage towards the two heroes, amber eyes burning under his wide-brimmed cowboy hat, and the superteens barely ducked out of the way in time. The nice silver Ford Fusion that took the hit for them after they moved poofed into a teal 1960 Chevrolet Corvair. 

The worst part about Bone Yard was that his magical no-reload rifle put the heroes on constant defense. They couldn't risk being hit even once by the inky, laser-y bullets, so they couldn't get aggressive. Currently, Ladybug's biggest fear was being shot, and turning into a wriggling pile of sperm or something. _Eugh._

"You kids wouldn't know good music if I beat you over the head with it! And I could, with my records!" Bone Yard roared, aiming again.

 _He is really hooked up on the music aspect of this,_ Ladybug thought absently, as Chat shouted back, "Hey, I know old music! I listen to Backstreet Boys sometimes!"

Bone Yard's deep, unnatural black eyes with smoldering amber pupils, like coal, very well might have turned red just then. Chat was forced to dodge four smoking blasts in quick succession, and Ladybug didn't even try to help, staring at him with idle horror. She made a mental note to show him Led Zeppelin and The Temptations, or at the very least Stevie Wonder, and she swung back into the fight. 

For the better part of twenty minutes, Ladybug and Chat Noir had been leading the black leather cowboy akuma to the outskirts of the city, where Ladybug wanted to get him into a small warehouse where his ranged weapon would be less effective, and finally, her plan was coming to fruition. 

Chat Noir swiftly kicked down the door of an abandoned warehouse and ducked in, and Ladybug followed hot on his heels.

"Hiding? You cowards! Come out here and give me a fight!"

Ladybug scanned the empty stone building. It was predominantly dusty crates and cobwebs, and the second floor was a horseshoe loft, hugging the back and side walls, with iron railings edging them. She nodded to the left side of the loft and mouthed "distraction". Chat Noir shot her a crooked smile and a thumbs up.

They both leaped onto the loft, Chat on the left and Ladybug on the right, just in time. Not a second after they did, Bone Yard stalked in, gun up.

Ladybug looked up at Chat, and saw him standing right up at the railing, holding aloft a dusty crate.

"Bone Yard," Chat Noir said deeply, his voice booming ominously through the warehouse, "you may think I only have the power to destroy, but I also have the power... to _crate_."

The stupid stray dropped the wooden crate top down, right on Bone Yard's head, who shouted in surprise and sprayed smoky bullets wildly at the far wall and the rafters. 

Ladybug took her chance and launched down from the loft, tackling Bone Yard to the ground. The rifle skidded across the stone floor with a scrape. Dimly, Ladybug heard Chat Noir's baton and boots hit the ground as he dropped level with them, but she was too busy wrestling with a cowboy to be concerned. 

"No! Tricksters! You played me!" Bone Yard howled from within his stylish crate hat.

Off to the side, Chat Noir said, solemnly, "Like the cheap kazoo that you are."

"Chat, shut up!" Ladybug shouted, still rolling around with a very old, at the moment very evil old man. "If you're gonna talk at least try to intimidate him!" She added, knowing from experience that Chat Noir does not simply 'shut up'. 

"Your toast is burned, and no amount of scraping will remove the black parts!" Chat Noir yelled.

At that moment, Bone Yard got the upper hand and tossed Ladybug off of him. She looked up in time to see him rip off the crate and hurl it at the wall, where it exploded into splinters, and start stalking towards Chat. "You made him angry!" She cried, scrambling to her feet.

The brief scuffle between Chat and Bone Yard that followed ended with the villain's gun solidly in his hands again. Chat Noir danced back to Ladybug's side, holding his baton up wardingly and sidling her with nervous glances.

"You should not have mentioned toast," Ladybug whispered.

"Sorry," Chat said back, just as hushed. 

Bone Yard aimed the muzzle of the Savage at Ladybug, finger on the trigger. She dove to the right to avoid his shot.

Unfortunately, Bone Yard was expecting this. His gun followed her movement at blur speed and fired directly at her. The next three seconds, for Ladybug, seemed to happen in slow motion.

_One._

Ladybug stared down the inky, smoky ray of certain demise, aimed right for her chest.

_Two._

Clawed hands hit her side, and suddenly she was on the cold concrete.

_Three._

The laser bullet meant for Ladybug hit Chat Noir in her place. Wide green eyes met huge blue ones, and then suddenly, Ladybag had her arms full of a teary-eyed, black leather clad, blonde baby.

The sound of Bone Yard's rifle cocking snapped Ladybug out of her reverie. 

"Ha! One outta two. Your turn now, lil' lady."

For the first time during the entire battle, Ladybug was scared.

She cradled baby Chat Noir in one arm, and with the other, yo-yo'd out literally as fast as physics would allow her to. The howls of Bone Yard trailed after their escape. Surprisingly, even while moving so fast, baby Chat just tucked his face into Ladybug's shoulder and stayed calm.

By the time Ladybug dropped onto a roof she judged far away enough, she had worked herself into a proper panic. She gently putting Chat Noir down- but no, she couldn't call him Chat Noir anymore. Something more like, Chaton Gris, aka grey kitten. He wasn't a black cat yet. Ladybug started pacing the flat rooftop with long strides. Chaton, who looked to be around two upon closer inspection, watched her with wide, innocent eyes.

"Oh my God," Ladybug said. "What do I do? Where do I take you? Why do you have to keep taking hits for me, you pesky cat?"

Chaton Gris blinked calmly at her, then smiled toothily.

Ladybug groaned and buried her face in her hands. She allowed herself five more seconds of panic, then looked up and around her, for any help possible.

Suddenly, she realized she was just two houses down from Alya's house.

"Perfect!" Ladybug said. She scooped Chaton up into her arms and jumped down the few houses to Alya's window. "Sorry, little kitty boy," she said as she wedged open the window, "but I have no time for you."

Chaton gurgled as Ladybug slipped into Alya's house.

Ladybug looked at him, and said very seriously, "Yes."

He giggled and threw his arms up.

The superheroin lifted Chaton up and told him gravely, "I diagnose you with baby." and that's when Alya decided to walk into the room.

Instantly, the redhead dropped whatever she was holding. "Ladybug?" She cried, sounding confused and put out.

"Here, hold this for me, will you?" Ladybug said, in leiu of a hello, shoving Chaton Gris into Alya's unwilling arms. "Kay, thank you, bye!"

The sound of Alya screeching " _Is this Chat Noir?!_ " followed Ladybug out the window as she leapt out into the city, and started swinging back towards the action. 

Bone Yard hadn't wandered very far, deciding to just walk up and down the surrounding streets, turning modern day cars into old fashioned automobiles. 

"Hey asshole!" Ladybug yelled, swinging down from the sky towards the cowboy bastard.

Bone Yard looked up at her from under his dark, wide-brimmed cowboy hat, and smirked like an anime villain. "Ladybug! Where's your little kitten?"

Ladybug did a superhero landing, just to show off, and glared at him menacingly. "Listen here, hoe. There's only room for one baby in this team, and it's me!" 

In response, Bone Yard fired at her. She rolled out of the way deftly. 

The superheroin then jumped to her feet and started sprinting towards him, strafing, zig-zagging, and dodging bullets as if she was straight out of the Matrix. She jumped up and launched herself feet-first into his rifle, knocking it away again. It bounced across the street and bumped against the wheel of another Chevrolet Corvair, stopping. Then, she tossed her yo-yo up and yelled, "Lucky Charm!"

A red and black spotted net fell into Ladybug's hands. She looked around wildly, and the pieces slotted together neatly before her.

Bone Yard was already scrambling, winded, towards his '62 Savage, so Ladybug sprinted past him and kicked the gun into the spokes of the tire. She stomped at the butt until it was wedged, then danced a couple steps backwards.

When the cowboy started trying to pry the gun out, grunting, on his hands and knees, Ladybug quick as a snake looped part of the net over the side mirror, and the other part right around Bone Yard's hands on the rifle. He was so distracted with trying to get his gun back that she got away with it. 

On a hunch, Ladybug ripped the wide-brimmed cowboy hat off his head and neatly tore it down the middle. A dark-winged akuma fluttered out of the torn seams. Ladybug wasted absolutely no time catching and cleansing it. 

Salvation swept through the city in the form of pink butterflies, undoing all the damage Bone Yard had wreacked in the matter of seconds. 

Ladybug quickly helped reassure the akuma victim, then swung through the city until she saw Chat Noir, safe and old, leaping out of Alya's window. 

Appeased, and with a faint smile, she swerved directions and started leaping her way home.

* * *

"Tikki, today could have been bad. Really bad."

The timeless, super powerful mini god looked up from eating a cookie to comfort a sixteen year old. "You handled it well," Tikkit said mildly.

"Sure," Marinette said, her hand fluttering dismissively, "but it could have been easier."

"What are you implying, Mari? I can't read minds."

Marinette sighed deeply, rolling onto her side and pulling a pillow up close. "If I'd known who Chat is, I could have taken him to his house. Showing up that close to Alya's place was dumb luck. I would have been seriously incapacitated if I'd had to babysit Chaton Gris."

"Mari, you are the Guardian now. You make the rules. If an identity reveal is what you think is best for the cause, then do it." Tikki said. She even momentarily set down her cookie to do so.

The blue-haired girl peered analytically at her kwami. "And your personal opinion, Tikki? What do you think I should do?"

Tikki was silent for a few moments. When she did speak, her words were slow, deliberate. "I think you should do it. I respected Master Fu's ideals, but the situation has changed, and it is more advantageous to know each other's civilian identities. In the past, Ladybugs and black cats have not hidden themselves from their partners."

Marinette hid a shy smile into her pillow, and with a simple nod, reached for the burner phone she used to contact Chat Noir out of transformation.

* * *

 **Innocent™:** meet me on the eiffel tower tmrw night at 8

 **SIMP:** yes ma'am!（Φ ω Φ）


	2. Hey, Siri! I'm Being Bullied!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahahahahahah "within two days" ya'll just walked the prank you know i don't have a fucking consistent upload schedule
> 
> anyways here's this *throws up this chapter on you* toss a kudos to your fellow depressed high school student
> 
> wait that isn't rhythmically correct at all...

Despite definitely not getting to school on time, though literally no one was surprised, Marinette was still the first to hear Alya's "big news". Why, you ask? Oh, only because Alya woke Marinette up at literally three in the morning with a spam of dms, ranging from complex lines of emoji that Marinette took in with the grace of a first-timer doing a line of coke, and so fucking many Chaton Gris pictures.

**sweet mari 3:47 A.M.  
how fucking long did you have him??**

**bedroom eyes 3:47 A.M.  
like five minutes**

**sweet mari 3:48 A.M.  
then how in god's name do you have so many fucking pictures???**

Alya's response was another baker's dozen of photos, of a rosy-cheeked Chaton sitting on a soft looking blanket with the most innocent looking cat eyes. Marinette could not fathom how Alya had fit that many camera angles into that amount of time, but the blue-haired girl was also tired enough to just let it go.

Now, six hours later, Marinette was _still_ looking at pictures- as Alya hadn't put down her phone since she'd seen Marinette walk into the classroom, and kept showing her. 

Of course Marinette thought her partner was cute as a baby, but it also made her weirdly uncomfortable, as that was the same person that she often caught herself daydreaming about in less than modest ways. She just didn't want to see the leather-clad flirt looking so goddamn innocent and tiny. She had already strictly made up her mind that Chat Noir could in no possible way be classified as "innocent" in civilian life, with how he acted in suit.

"Alya," Marinette sighed, utterly exasperated, as the two walked out of the classroom for lunch break, "I've seen that same picture like three times."

Alya wrinkled her nose at Marinette. "Well, I could only take so many, Mar! It was a short time frame!"

"Only?" Marinette repeated, incredulous. "You took three hundred in five minutes!"

"It's about the jitter clicking, Mari. It's always about the jitter clicking."

"On your _phone_?"

Her friend only clicked her tongue and rolled her eyes. "Maybe if you were an aspiring journalist you'd understand."

"Maybe." Mari hid a fond smirk from her friend. Her hand trailed down the railing as the two walked down the stairs in the school's courtyard. "And what's up with all the camera angles?"

Alya only gave Marinette a deadpan look. "I have to explain that? The audience always wants diverse camera angles- the same picture over and over'll only bore them."

"You're going to post the pictures? To the Ladyblog?" Marinette asked, genuinely curious. She wondered, in the privacy of her mind, whether Alya would pretend it was for the sake of study, or if she'd cut the chase and just gush about how cute the baby-ized superhero was.

"Yeah," Alya sighed dreamily. "I swear it's gonna boost my readers. They'll come for the baby pics, and stay for the expert journaling. Journalism-ing. I feel like I should know the term but you get it."

The two stopped beside the bottom of the stairs, Alya leaning casually against the staircase, and Marinette standing with her binders to her chest. "Ah. Clickbait." Marinette said seriously, nodding.

"It's not clickbait," Alya said with a scowl, "it's a genuine tactic to get people to get interest in my blog."

"You should title it," Marinette continued, ignoring her friend, "'10 Reasons Why Chaton Gris is the Cutest Baby Superhero- Number Four Will Surprise You!'"

Alya cocked her head a little. "Chaton Gris?" She asked, causing Marinette to blush suddenly with realization. On the bright side, she hadn't said her title for her baby-fied partner to Alya, so she wasn't caught.

"Well, yeah," Marinette said, twiddling with the plastic casing on her binder, "yknow, 'Black Cat', 'Grey Kitten'?"

"I like it," Alya decided, nodding. "I'll use it."

"Cool, and you'll use my helpful clickbait title?" 

Alya shoved Marinette's shoulder playfully, and the two exchanged a laugh. "You know," Alya said wistfully, after their chuckles died down, "I wish I had a baby Ladybug picture for the Ladyblog."

"Who would have saved Paris if Ladybug was a Ladybaby?" Marinette said back, in a slightly scolding tone, and Alya laughed.

"I would, girl! Look at these muscles." 

Marinette laughed as Alya flexed overdramatically. "So, where are we eating today?" Marinette asked, pushing down Alya's arms with a good natured eye roll. 

"Hm," Alya pretended to think about it, even though they both knew where they'd end up, "Bakery?"

"Bakery." Mari agreed, nodding sagely. 

As the two started to walk out towards the school's doors, Alya stopped suddenly and grabbed Marinette's arm, saying, "Oh, I totally forgot! Nino wanted to have lunch with us today," She looked at Marinette with puppy-dog eyes, as if Mari would ever say no to inviting a friend over for lunch.

"Of course he can," Marinette said, smiling. "The more the merrier, right?"

"Right," Alya agreed, "and he wanted to know if a certain blonde-haired model friend of his could tag along."

Marinette, already walking away again, said, "Hm, Adrien? Sure, I don't mind."

"Don't mind?" Alya had to jog a bit to catch up with Marinette. "Girl, what happened to your huge crush on him? Two weeks ago if I said his name you'd freak out on me like a toddler!"

"Toddler?" Marinette wrinkled her nose at Alya, insulted. "Those were at least middle freak-outs."

Alya scoffed. "That's not what's important. What happened to getting married and having kids and hamsters and stuff?"

The blue-haired girl tried to pretend to look thoughtful, hands going to hold the straps of her bag as they started walking down the front stairs, when in reality she was just trying to suppress her blush at the topic. "I dunno. That stuff was kinda creepy and immature anyways, wasn't it? Besides... It's been a couple years. You can't have thought nobody else would ever catch my eye, could you?"

A knowing smirk crossed Alya's face. "Luka." She decided, nodding to herself.

Marinette flashed her friend a confused look, but then tried desperately to school it into sheepishness. "Yeah, uh, Luka." After all, she couldn't very well tell Alya she was starting to grow a crush on Chat Noir, not after saying celebrity crushes were creepy and immature.

If Marinette was being honest with herself, she'd been falling for that pesky stray for a while. Although she still harbored heavy fondness for Adrien, and the occasional spike of dopamine when he smiled at her, she couldn't deny that Chat's flirts were starting to make her blush in a tale-telling way. She felt like she might be a little bit in love with both of the boys, although that weirdly made her feel unloyal. Just normal overthinking stuff.

At the foot of the stairs, Nino and Adrien were waiting for the two girls. When they saw each other, Nino flashed the two a peace sign, and Adrien smiled and waved school-boyishly. If it had been two years prior, or maybe if they all lived in a children's cartoon, Adrien would have been surrounded in pink sparkles and a honeyish glow, and Marinette would have seen his smile in slow motion. As it was, Mari just smiled and nodded back. 

"You guys ready?" Adrien asked. They just nodded and grinned, and the four of them set out on the hazardous trek of the two minute walk to Marinette's house (at a leisurely pace, of course).

"What took you dudes so long, anyways?" Nino asked casually.

"We were looking at pictures of Chat Noir!" Alya said. Marinette noticed she'd started pulling her phone back out before Nino even opened his fucking mouth and decided not to ask questions.

"More like, Alya was shoving pictures of Chat Noir down my throat," Marinette joked.

Alya tossed her a playful glare and stuck her tongue out briefly, before opening her photos and starting to show Nino and Adrien her vast collection of pictures.

"I'm gonna post some of these on the Ladyblog," Alya gushed excitedly. "Marinette called him 'Chaton Gris'- isn't that cute?"

"Sure," Nino said, looking with only a surface level interest at the pictures. "Was that an akuma thing, by the way, or a permanent thing?"

"Akuma thing," Alya said with a flap of her hand. "I only had him for like five minutes. Ladybug rushed into my house, shoved him into my arms and then took off."

"Five minutes," Marinette mused. "The ratio of breathing to picture-taking had to be insultingly low during that time. She has a dozen pictures for every half second she had Chaton."

She was ignored, by Alya at least. "These are gonna pull some great attention for my blog. Nobody else saw him when he was a baby!"

"He's not that cute," Adrien said. He was rubbing the back of his neck, almost sheepishly, as he talked. "I mean, it's just a baby."

Alya gaped openly, Nino side-eyed him, and even Marinette looked betrayed and concerned.

"Not that cute?" Alya demanded. She shoved her phone in his face, pointing vigorously at the picture. "Look at his eyes! He's so innocent-looking, and he just sat there calmly the whole time, so easy and freakin' adorable!"

A very faint dusting of pink collected on Adrien's cheeks, and he looked away. "Okay, sorry!" 

"Dude, I don't even like babies, but that's a cute baby." Nino deadpanned. 

"I think Chat Noir's hot so it's kinda weird seeing him as a baby, but that's a cute baby." Marinette chimed in, also giving Adrien a deeply disapproving look.

The blush deepened, and Adrien gave Mari a scandalized look, but he said, "Alright, alright, I apologized already!" 

Alya shook her head gravely. "It's too late. You already showed your true colors."

"Ugly colors," Marinette added in a somber tone.

"So cruel." Nino said flatly.

Adrien laughed, covering his face with one hand. "Guys, no, I just don't think-"

"I can't believe," Alya said loudly, "that Adrien Agreste hates babies."

Marinette laughed, saying between wheezes, "Despises them! That's so bad for his image!"

"Imagine if this got to the press," Nino said, also shaking with restrained laughter.

"Hey, Siri," Adrien said, "I'm being bullied!"

The four finally devolved into loud laughter at that. The bakery door swung open by Marinette's hand, and the sound of their mirth flowed in, as the bakery's heat and sweet scent rolled out. 

"Hey maman," Marinette said, pecking Sabine on the cheek as she passed. "We're gonna have lunch in my room, kay?"

"Okay, have fun," Her mother said, distracted with packing up a customer's order. Marinette grabbed a couple of plates of bakery treats from the kitchen, then came back out into the storefront for her friends. 

Marinette nodded for the others to follow her upstairs, and she didn't even have to rush ahead to tear down a bunch of fangirly Adrien posters first. She only had one now, from Gabriel Agreste's newest album, and it was for actual fashion purposes this time. (Though she didn't even think about the fact that she had pages open to the air of Chat Noir themed designs. Oops.)

They all sprawled out somewhere to eat, Alya in the desk chair, Nino on the chaise, and Adrien and Marinette on the floor.

"Man, lunch here is the best," Nino said around his mouthful of toasted cheese-and-ham croissant sandwich. Alya nodded sagely, too busy munching on her chocolate chip muffin to speak, and Marinette laughed.

"It's not like I'd say no if you guys wanted to come here more," Marinette said, digging into her own chocolate croissant. "Heck, come over as much as you want."

"Heck," Adrien chirped back. Marinette glared mockingly at him. 

"I'm too baby to cuss," she said primly, delicately licking a drop of chocolate off her thumb. 

Alya laughed. "I have so much evidence disproving that, girl."

Marinette chucked a balled napkin at her and said, "Make an article about it then, you journal whore."

They all laughed again, and the rest of lunch break passed in a similar fashion- good food, good company, mostly good jokes. Marinette almost made herself forget about the possibly nerve-wracking event set to happen at 8 P.M. that night. At least, she was distracting herself well enough until Alya happened.

"Hey, girl," Alya said, "I meant to ask you, how dya feel about a girls' night tonight?"

The blue haired girl opened her mouth to say yes, but then remembered what she was supposed to do tonight and winced. "Sorry, Alya. I'm indisposed tonight. Maybe tomorrow?"

Alya shrugged and continued talking with Nino, but Adrien's eyes lingered. "What are you doing tonight?" He asked, seeming curious. He'd finished his food, mostly cookies and a plain croissant, a while ago, and had just been occasionally chiming into the others' conversation. 

"I'm, uh- seeing a friend," Marinette lied through a weak smile. Even after all these years, lying still didn't come to her easily, and it still made her stomach churn. 

"Someone not in our school?" Adrien pushed. 

"Yeah, uhm, an online friend. From this anonymous chat site I use." Marinette said, waving her hand as if it was nothing. She purposefully joined Alya and Nino's conversation. Adrien let the topic fall away, and the teens turned towards easier subjects as lunch started to wrap up.

* * *

Ladybug was wringing her hands as she stood on the highest platform on the Eiffel Tower, anxiously looking out at the city for sign of superhuman movement.

The twinkling city lights splayed out before her like so many golden ants, and the Seine's dark water reflected the stars, scattered and few, that shone silver through the light pollution. Even under nightfall Paris bustled, dogs barking, cars rolling, indistinct voices blending together into a cacophony of life.

Finally, the familiar sound of Chat Noir's baton hitting metal interrupted Ladybug's nervous spiraling thoughts. The spotted superheroine twirled around to see the cat behind her. He was smiling, leather ears perked, green eyes glazed with a dripping layer of hope. 

"My lady," Chat said, bowing in an excessive way. His smile had taken on a slightly more ‘grin’ aspect as he came back up. "you called?" 

"Yeah, I," Ladybug said, and then stopped.

Despite having Tikki's approval, and her own deeply buried desperate curiosity and longing, she still felt thick doubt. She'd respected Master Fu's rules for so long, and tried so hard to convince herself that it was the best way, that she was having trouble shaking the deep rooted fear of knowing.

But with Chat Noir standing in front of her, seeming so hopeful and looking at her in that helpless adoring way, some of Ladybug's tensions eased. Just a little bit. 

After all, of course she wanted to know who she'd been fighting with for these years, who'd claimed to be recklessly in love with her, who she'd recently started having untoward thoughts for. 

"Bug?" Chat Noir prompted gently, still smiling ever so softly.

And Ladybug was the Guardian now! She needed to know this information, if something awful happened, just in case. She was the protector, and she needed to know exactly who was wearing the stuff she was meant to be protecting, right? 

Besides, she was the _Guardian_ now. If she wanted to bend the rules, she damn well would, thank you. Watch a bitch get what she wants.

"Ladybug?" Chat said, sounding less playful now. His brow was probably creased under the mask.

The mask that Ladybug suddenly wanted so desperately to see under. 

After all, what's the worse that could happen?

"I'm the Guardian now," Ladybug said, taking in a deep, steeling breath. "Tikki and I have decided that in order to guard the black cat miraculous... I have to know who's wearing it."

Chat Noir looked completely taken aback. He blanched completely, but then bounced back just as quickly, his ears higher and his eyes brighter than ever. "Of course! I've been with this plan from the start, just to be clear."

Ladybug just rolled her eyes. "The situation has changed. It wasn't necessary before."

Chat muttered something that sounded suspiciously close to 'your mom wasn't necessary', but he took a step closer to Ladybug and clasped his hands together in front of him, like a joyful kid. "You wanna see what's under the leather, my lady? I didn't take you for the type." He said teasingly, a wicked grin spreading over his mouth.

"Chat!" Ladybug yelled, a little flustered but mostly irate. "Just do it."

"Uh-huh, but to be fair, this was my idea first. Don't steal my credit." Chat Noir said.

"Are you stalling?" Ladybug asked, narrowing her bluebell eyes at him.

Chat flushed a little. "I just- Well. I guess there's no point." He took a deep breath, and flashed Ladybug a very quick look. It didn't matter how long it was, though, because Ladybug suddenly realized how nervous he was. "Plagg, claws off." He said quickly, as if trying to rip off a bandaid. 

His black suit blazed away with a green light trailing after it, and revealed a very blonde, very anxious-looking Adrien Agreste. His eyes were shut and his cheeks puffed out, as if he were holding his breath.

Ladybug made a sound that could have been a cat trilling, or maybe a frog choking. "You- _Adrien_?!" 

Adrien opened his eyes and let out the breath in a rush. "You know me?" He asked, sounding incredibly hopeful. 

There was a training montage of memories flashing in front of Ladybug's eyes (complete with _We Are the Champions_ looping). Every single flirty remark Chat Noir ( _Adrien_ ) had told her, every kiss she'd shared, willing or not, with Chat Noir ( _Adrien!_ ), every less-than-innocent daydream and fantasy she'd had about Chat Noir ( ** _ADRIEN_** ). 

She tried to process that the two boys she'd spent literally years thinking about was the same, that innocent, angel-eyed, halo-haired Adrien Agreste had smirked at her devilishly and trilled cat puns from the rooftops, strut around in skin-tight black leather and holy heaven professed his love to her; and her brain literally shut down.

Suddenly redder than her suit, steam practically curling from her ears as her brain played a Windows shut down noise, Ladybug stammered desperately for something, anything, to say. "I- you- oh-,"

"Ladybug," Adrien said, his green eyes a little too wide. "Are you alright? You look... really red."

"Oh my gosh!" Ladybug suddenly yelled, very much too loud if Adrien's violent flinch was anything to go by, "Is that my oven calling me?? I mean, I have to go feed my cookies!! I burned my cat! Bye!"

Ladybug's yo-yo flashed out in a red and black blur, and she catapulted away from the tower and from Adrien as fast as physics would allow her (yet again, is this becoming a pattern?), leaving a very, _very_ confused Adrien behind her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> your comments make me blush :) please feed me nice words im so alone
> 
> also im thinking that this might be 4 chapters i'm sorry


	3. My Ancestors are Smiling Down at Me, Imperial

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Adrien’s perspective for the last two chapters ya’ll
> 
> Tysm for the positive responses!!! u make me blush uwu

Adrien Agreste was a lot of things, but a coward was definitely fucking one of them. That was why, after Ladybug’s  _ interesting _reception to his identity on the Tower, he didn’t try to seek her out at all. In fact, it took all of his brain cells and his scraps of mental stability to even just not freak out.

He’d decided to be optimistic about the thing. After all, she’d turned red, hadn’t she? Maybe she just liked him! (or she was angry, or she  _ hates you adrien_) 

The major factor in his good mood today was that Nino had gotten Marinette to agree to lunch at the bakery again, for the second day in a row. Adrien was eternally grateful that Nino would ask, because the blonde boy was almost a hundred percent sure that even if he was actively on fire he wouldn’t be able to ask for help. 

Eating lunch at the bakery was a major W for Adrien for several reasons. A: the food! Sweets have always held a soft spot in Adrien’s heart. B: the company- he’d never turn down hanging out with friends now that he actually had friends. 

But the most important reason was Marinette herself. 

Although within the loaded minefield of his own mind Adrien felt fickle and unfaithful for feeling for two different girls, he couldn't deny that he was crushing hard on Marinette. He didn't really feel like he could pin-point an exact date, but if he had to guess, it would have been when the blue-haired girl started become confident enough to talk to him like a normal human being. (Which was coincidentally the same time she had started falling for Chat Noir- _which_ is the reason she had the confidence to talk to Adrien in the first place.) Marinette was kind, compassionate, strictly moral and actually pretty fucking funny when she wasn't fumbling over her words- and Adrien felt himself tumbling down another staircase of Feelings every time Marinette brushed a beetle oh so gently off her notebook, or scolded him with a smile tugging at her lips for doing or saying something stupid.

Marinette was strangely quiet during the first hours of school, not even looking at anyone at all. Adrien chalked it up to her being tired- after all, if she didn't sleep enough, why else was she late every day? -and thought to himself that her attitude would surely change when it got to lunch.

He was wrong.

Lunch started off badly already, when Adrien waved to Marinette with a smile like he did every time they went to the bakery, and instead of responding with a smile of her own, Mari's eyes went comically wide, her face turned red, and she looked away quickly. Adrien's stomach didn't sink, however, until she opened her mouth.

"I, uh, he-hello Adrien," She stammered, not even making eye contact.

"Hey," Adrien said casually, but inside he was sobbing. He didn't know what he'd done to make her so goddamn uncomfortable around him again, but he cursed himself for it. "You ready for lunch?"

"Lunch!" Marinette said with a laugh too high-pitched. "I'd kill to eat you! FUCK, I MEAN EAT! Not you, obviously! I'm not a cannibal..." She laughed again, awkwardly, and all three other teens grimaced in sync. Alya just looked disappointed, and Nino sympathetic. "Uh, bakery let's go!"

"Okay, Yoda," Alya muttered. 

Unlike yesterday's walk, which was filled with easy conversation and trilling laughs, today's was silent and awkward as hell. 

Just a few feet from the bakery's entrance, Marinette tsk'd softly and said, "I need to tie my shoe. You guys go ahead, yeah?"

Alya nodded and grabbed Nino's arm to drag him off, pinning Adrien in place with a signature glare. Adrien shuffled his feet awkwardly but stayed put.

Marinette seemed to notice he was there suddenly and huffed, looking up and saying, "You don't have to wait, Aly-," Their eyes met and she blanched instantly. "yaaaaaaaaou're not Alya." 

"No," Adrien said. "Sorry."

"I, uhm," Marinette said, then she stood up and _literally fucking sprinted away._

"Hey, where the hell are you going?" Adrien called after her, throwing his arms up as he watched her book it into a nearby alleyway. "What the fuck," He said softly to himself after she didn't respond or even look back. His arms fell back down to his sides, and he stared at the alleyway's entrance for a few seconds, before scoffing loudly and walking into the bakery.

Alya and Nino looked up at him with twin hopeful looks as he entered, only to be disappointed when they saw he was alone.

"Where's M?" Alya asked casually, her eyes not looking casual at all.

"She fucking ran," Adrien grumbled back, beelining for the kitchen.

"What?"

The three trailed into the kitchen, knowing they had full permission to raid it, and Adrien grabbed a chocolate chip cookie and shoved a bite into his mouth before he turned around to face Alya and Nino. The subtle tast of sea salt crumbled against his tongue, and it was actually very pleasant. He swallowed, then said, "She saw me standing there, stood up, and ran into an alley."

"She just ran?" Alya parroted, eyes big. 

Adrien just nodded and took another bite.

"Well, that's not ideal," Nino muttered softly.

Spluttering, Alya said, "Not ideal? She's regressed completely! All this progress-,"

"Progress," Adrien repeated bitterly, "Why the hell does she need to make _progress_ being able to talk to me? What the hell did I do to offend her?"

"Offend her?" The red headed girl flashed him a flummoxed look. "Listen, I had a gentleman's agreement last time, but I don't give a shit anymore. You really don't know that girl's head over heels for you? She acts like that because she's flustered."

To Adrien's credit, he didn't immediately choke on his cookie. "What? I thought she hated me!" He cried.

Nino tilted his head towards Alya and muttered, "Told you he's oblivious."

That's the moment Marinette chose to swing open the kitchen door, red in the face and eyes a bit wide. Her shoe was still untied.

"Oh," She said, wringing her hands, "I, uhm, saw a cat? A cat, yeah. That's why I ran, to... pet it."

Alya and Nino just sighed, shot Adrien totally exasperated looks, and started heading upstairs. Adrien couldn't help but wonder how long they'd been silently putting up with Marinette's cringe-worthy embarrassment while he smiled like an oblivious idiot. While he was over the fucking moon that she liked him the way he liked her, he was deeply upset over the fact that she couldn't even bring herself to talk to him. And acting like _this_? Adrien and Marinette had had a good, solid friendship going, and he was a little rocked that she'd toss it away in the face of being flustered.

Marinette glanced sideways at Adrien, went pale, and rushed after Alya and Nino.

For the rest of lunch, for the _life_ of Adrien, he couldn't get her to speak a single word to him, and he really didn't know what to think about it.

* * *

" _Vibe check!_ "

The latest akuma, a fluffy haired boy with truly horrendous overalls of purple and orange, screeched as Chat Noir smacked him right in the forehead by throwing his baton. 

Chat dodged wildly as the akuma, Tardy Slip, smacked the stone where the cat had been standing with a full on Minecraft diamond sword.

"This is getting ridiculous," Ladybug complained loudly, as they both watched Tardy Slip put his diamond sword in his back pocket (where it fit fucking perfectly) and pull out a crossbow loaded with explosive fireworks. "What the fuck."

The black-leather superhero rolled away, again just in time, and the concrete at his heels exploded into a creeper-faced green firework. He scooped his baton up and lunged up the building Ladybug was standing on. He landed at her side, panting, and grinned crookedly. "That guy's a creep," He said, hooking his thumb over his shoulder.

Rather than scold him or roll her eyes, Ladybug blushed and swung down to the ground.

Chat Noir watched her go. Scratching his head, he followed.

"What's your deal?" Ladybug yelled, blocking a firework rocket with her yo-yo shield. "What do you want?"

Tardy Slip sniffed in a superior way, and said "My favorite Minecraft Youtubers didn't upload today! It's Friday! They're tardy!" as he slipped his fucking large crossbow into his fucking tiny pocket and pulled out a handful of green and blue spotted eggs.

Ladybug groaned comically as Tardy chucked the eggs, six in total, at the ground, where they exploded into zombies.

"There is no way I'm fighting fucking Minecraft mobs," She said. "and that reason? Hawk Moth is scraping the bottom of the goddamn barrel."

"This is the best day of my life," Chat Noir said back, swiping his baton straight through a zombie.

"Bruhhhhh." said the zombie. Chat could've cheered. 

Tardy Slip seemed to have an endless supply of zombies, and for every one Ladybug and Chat Noir killed, another egg flew at the ground.

"Careful, Ladybug!" Chat Noir yelled, "He's a spawner!"

Ladybug didn't even say anything, but she decidedly did not look at him. He could've sworn she _blushed._ At a _Minecraft joke._ If he'd known that was her soft spot, he would've started with that way long ago.

After full minutes of grinding, Tardy Slip seemed to get tired of spawning zombies. Chat cut through the last one with a twirl of his baton and a puff of grey smoke, and the two looked around, only just realizing Tardy was gone.

"This is not cool, this is not right," Chat said.

"We should, uhm, find him?" Ladybug half-said, half-squeaked, and for some reason the end lilted up, her sentence signing off neatly with a question mark. 

"Okay, if you're sure," Chat Noir responded sarcastically. Ladybug honest to God squealed, and took off swinging. "Huh." Chat said, completely alone.

They found Tardy Slip terrorizing some pro-Fortnite players with a bunch of skeletons. The superheros made quick work of the archers, then gave chase to Tardy, who was sprinting down the streets extra fast. 

Finally, Chat managed to get him into one-on-one combat again, baton versus diamond sword.

"You're not even a real Minecraft fan!" He yelled. "Don't you know Netherite is the best now?"

Tardy's answer to that was slapping Chat in the side of his head with the flat of his blade. Chat stumbled from the force of it, and Tardy Slip kicked him in the stomach, making him fall flat on his back. "Give me your miraculous," Tardy Slip snarled, holding the tip of the fucking Minecraft sword to Chat Noir's throat. What a way to go.

"My ancestors are smiling down at me, Imperial," Chat Noir said, "Can you say the same?" 

Luckily, the diamond sword was ripped suddenly from Tardy's hands and sent skidding across the concrete. "Wrong game, Chaton!" Ladybug yelled as she ran past him, "Get your head in this one!"

Chat groaned back unintelligibly as he heaved himself up and sprinted after her. Hey, at least she was talking to him again.

"Lucky Charm!"

A red and black spotted jar of glue appeared in the air, haloed by pink butterflies, and fell into Ladybug's waiting hands. "Hey, you can make this appear," Chat Noir said with a crooked grin, "does this mean you're in creative mode?" Ladybug popped him for it, and he groaned again, rubbing the back of his head.

"Shut up," Ladybug said, blushing, "and give me your tail."

He managed to say, "Hot," before being smacked upside the head again. 

Ladybug unscrewed the glue and poured it all over Chat's tail. 

"Woah, woah!" He cried, throwing his hands out, "I use that thing!"

The superheroine looked up at him critically and said, "I don't want to know what for." After a second, she seemed to realize what she'd said, and even though it was pretty basic banter for the two, she blushed _bright_ red and jerked away. "I mean, uh, eep! I mean f-fuck you!" With that, she dropped the jar and dashed off towards Tardy Slip.

Chat sighed, watching the empty jar bounce against the concrete, abandoned. "You and me both, bud," He said sadly, shaking his head.

"Chat! I need you!" Ladybug yelled in the near distance.

Obediently, Chat Noir raced towards her, seeing his poor glue-covered tail wrapped around the sword, and Tardy Slip trying to yank his sword free. "Damn, she's taking your sword, bro? What a griefer," He said to Tardy.

Ladybug made a vague sound of frustration and said, "Just cataclysm it already!" She seemed seconds away from losing the tug-of-war, and only the integrity of the superhero enhanced leather had stopped the belt from being sawed through. 

"Cataclysm!" Chat Noir yowled, sticking his hand up. It was encased in dark magic, and he touched his fingertips to the hilt, just inches away from Tardy's pale fingers. The sword crumbled to ash, and a purple butterfly fluttered out. 

The ladybug superherione made quick work of catching it, then restoring the city with a hearty flush of pink butterflies. Tardy Slip turned into a brown-haired boy in well-worn overalls, holding a toy diamond sword. He groaned, and Chat Noir made tsk noises.

"You got akumatized," He said, "because a YouTube channel was late on posting." Tardy's eyes widened, and he suddenly looked very, very guilty. 

"Sorry, I-," He chewed his lip, but then spilled, "I don't have a great home life, alright? They help me forget about that. I'm sorry I got mad, though, that was... way too far. I am sorry. Really."

"What's your name?" Ladybug asked, putting a kind hand out to help the kid up. Upon closer inspection, he looked to be closer to their age. 

"Trevor," He answered.

Ladybug smiled at him oh so sweetly, and said, "If it's really all that bad, get help. Can you get home alright for now?" Trevor nodded, and Ladybug pat his shoulder once before saluting him playfully. "See you around, then, Trevor!" She took out her yo-yo and swung off into the sky.

Chat Noir gave Trevor, ex-Tardy, a nod and a smile, then vaulted after Ladybug.

He found her on a roof not too far away, fingering her earrings gently. Chat landed with an audible noise, careful not to spook her, and said, "Sup."

Ladybug jumped and looked over at him, scandalized. 

"Pound it?" He asked, holding out his fist. Inside, his heart was pounding it against his chest, as he thought _what if she hates me, what if she hates Adrien, that's why she's like this, she's disappointed, she-_

A slightly shaky fist tapped his, and Ladybug said, "Pound it." Her earrings beeped, and she jumped again. "I should, uh, I should go." She glanced almost guiltily at Chat, and then ran off without saying anything else.

"What the fuck?" Chat Noir murmured softly. "What is wrong with her?"

Then he felt guilty, and couldn't help but wonder if she had shit going on he didn't know about. A wave of concern washed over him, and he chewed his lip for a second before vaulting after her. He just needed to check, to make sure she was alright, he had to ask her if she was really okay or he'd lose his mind. 

Ladybug stopped running on a roof a couple streets down, near the Effiel Tower.

Chat nimbly landed on the tip of a chimney, his tail cascading down behind him like a stream of ink bleeding down paper, his blonde hair collecting drops of honey colored sunlight in the edges as if the light was a thing to pool like liquid. He thought for a moment about just watching Ladybug, and not intruding, but then realized just how creepy that was.

Just as he stood to lope down there and ruthlessly make her feel better, Ladybug softly said, "Spots off."

The suit blazed away with a glowing pink trail, and Chat Noir recognized instantly Marinette's figure; her purse, her clothes, her hair. 

He was so surprised that he fell backwards (not even noticing how lucky it was he did, as the moment he slipped out of view Marinette glanced around herself surreptitiously) but he managed to curl his clawed fingertips around the chimney's rim. The hero pulled his head up just enough to see Marinette sigh, rub her arms, and murmur something to Tikki before disappearing into the rooftop entrance to the building. 

Chat Noir dropped down from where he was hanging, and thoughtfully rubbed at his chin. If he really really thought about it, he was kind of offended (at himself, of course) that he hadn't realized Ladybug's identity sooner.

"You know," He said, to no one in particular, thinking about twin blue eyes and twin red blushes, and girls who squeaked and ran away when flustered, "this actually makes a lot of fucking sense."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT IS DEF GONNA BE FOUR CHAPTERS YOU GUYS I LIED IM SORRY
> 
> also i may have taken the minecraft thing too far


End file.
